Self-esteem is a powerful inner capability that one either has or does not. The definition of self-esteem has been defined as a ‘positive or negative attitude toward … the self’ (Rosenberg 1965, 30); but to pin social/cultural influence on our self-esteem is still open for discussion.
As humans living in a social environment, we likely to boost our self-esteem by gravitating towards things our mind tells us we are capable of achieving. And since self-esteem works with our mind we are influenced by our daily choices which can impact areas of our lives. For example, self-esteem is a major determinant of who we think we can date, associate with, wear, achieve, and so on).
WHERE DOES NEGATIVE SELF-ESTEEM COME FROM?
Most of our negative self-esteem issues arise from the negative feedback we hear without a counter positive boost to help.
I’ve struggled with negative self-esteem over the years and shrink myself in public spaces to protect myself. To me, the less I talk in public, the less I’m likely I am to draw attention to myself for negative talks. My blog for a long time was my only public-facing tool, and a very safe place for me to feel confident and comfortable while engaging with different people.
But after moving to America, my self-esteem tanked got to an abysmal point, and I didn’t know who this girl (myself) was anymore, still writing on my blog, I couldn’t help but feel lost and I needed to call myself to order.
WAYS TO BOOST SELF-ESTEEM
After struggling with self-esteem for a while, I came up with tips to work on it and I want to share my thoughts with you.
Write down things you’re confident of, and proud to have achieved with minimal or less effort (who benefited from it and how did it make you feel?). This is a reassuring task to do often, to remind yourself of who you are.
Surround yourself with people that reassure you of your self-worth. Words matter, and despite comments that we are not defined by negative feedbacks, we hear them and sometimes our mind can make mountains of a molehill.
TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR FEARS
Take ownership of your fears, and things that made you feel less worthy. For me, it was the feeling that I wasn’t date-able or beautiful enough to be loved. A good soul searching and I realized it was my thoughts feeding into hurtful words from childhood and teenage conversations. I have since outgrown my dating fear and I now believe beauty is a societal construct. People will have their opinions of who I am or who you are but that doesn’t take away your awesomeness.
ADDITIONAL SELF-ESTEEM TIPS
Most of our self-esteem issues have a root in our upbringing. For others it’s in our looks, we don’t fir the societies standard of beauty and that may cause a cognitive dissonance. Which is why I advise people, invest in what makes you feel beautiful. Being confident in your body can improve your self-esteem.
“I advise people if you have the means to change how you look and it makes you feel beautiful, then do so” Tweet this
Accept things you cannot change: I’ve been less confident of my height and body size. Unfortunately, I don’t look my age and have a small body frame for a twenty-something-year-old, and I have come to accept that as my lot. Some of us will never have what we wish for, but we can learn to live with what we have been given.
What tips can you add to this?